yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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