you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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