whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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