You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have already put on my inside pants.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
