ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
