im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's blow job season.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pants are for mortals
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
