How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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