just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
