I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
