man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
