I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
