I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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