I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
