Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
