You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
