I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
