my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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