Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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