my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
