So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
