Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
