just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
