Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
