ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
