I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
