I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
