Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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