Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just high enough for therapy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
