Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
home. puking in laundry basket.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
