just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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