My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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