I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
