Banned from zoo.
Again?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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