I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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