Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
