You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
