Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
