Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
