okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We were destined to go to rehab together
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
