I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
