I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
pray to the hookup gods
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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