why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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