I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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