Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Alive.
So much puke
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
