Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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