p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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