There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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