then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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