I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
