i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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