Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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