i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
