You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
