I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
