I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
