why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
