we're blogging at a bar
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
